Josh hasn't seen Alex in awhile and this worries him. He sets out from Hufflepuff Tower, seeking out not the obvious hiding places, but searching every empty corridor and classroom. He knows you well enough to know you'll isolate yourself to the point of madness, and he's prepared to cover every last bit of the castle until he finds you.

At some point as he's wandering on the third floor, Alex just stops and ducks into an empty classroom. There are no chairs, just an empty stretch of floor and he curls up in a shadowed corner, knees hugged tight to his chest.

Josh has covered the first and second floors as thoroughly as possible and sprints up the stairs, taking two at a time. His pace is brisk and purposeful, his face lined with concern, as he stops at every door and sweeps his eyes over the room. When he reaches your hiding spot, he almost doesn't notice you in the shadows, but he hears you breathing and steps in tentatively. "Alex?"

Alex looks up from his knees to see you framed in the doorway. It's too dark to see his face, but you can tell he's shivering slightly. "Josh." His voice is dull, dead sounding and hollow, but it isn't shaking.

Josh walks over slowly, looking as if he's approaching some scared, wild animal that might run away should he move too suddenly. Though he can't quite make out your face, he smiles at you sadly, and eases himself to the floor to sit beside you. "How fucked up are you feeling today?" He does not say this jokingly.

Alex exhales, almost snorts. Everyone else has been so soft with him, so cautious. And the part of his mind that isn't hazed in shock realizes how nice it is to be spoken to bluntly. "Fucked up." Same dead voice, but there's recognition in it. His eyes are dull when he turns to look at you. "Very fucked up."

Josh isn't surprised by the lifelessness of your tone and expression, and simply nods with understanding. "I'd say that's just about right, mate," he sighs, drawing an arm around you shoulders and giving you a quick squeeze. "You gonna spend the rest of the term hiding out in dark classrooms? Because I refuse to play Beater with anyone else. I'll have to quit, too."

Something that could have been a small grin hugs at the corners of his mouth for a split second before it fades back into the lifeless expression he's fallen into, but he does leans into your side slightly, turning his head back to drop it against his knees again. "Can't hide all term. Have to go home tomorrow." And he shivers slightly.

"Oh....I forgot. I guess I thought you would just end up staying here," Josh says with a hint of concern, rubbing his hand up and down your arm as he feels you shiver. "How....how are your parents doing?"

He shrugs slightly and hugs his knees in tighter to his chest. "Don't know. The Ministry sent someone to tell them in person, I guess..." He shivers again and shakes his head against his knees to clear it, hazy brain grasping onto the fact that this is the first conversation he's had since yesterday morning.

"Well, you should have a right jolly time there," he sympathizes. "Too bad I can't tag along and slap some sense into you every once in a while. Or at least give you some flashes of amusement when I make an utter ass out of myself, as I usually do." He bites his lip anxiously, not sure he's saying or doing the right thing, not wanting to push you further inside yourself.

Alex snorts softly again and nods slightly against his knees. "Too bad." And his voice has just a touch more emphasis than it's had, but not much. "I'll.... I'll have to go and clean her flat.'"

"Ah Jesus, Alex," he sighs immediately, tilting his head to rest on yours. "Please tell me you're not going to do that alone, mate. That's just....brutal."

Alex just shivers and shrugs slightly again. "Can't make my parents do it." He's tense, but he lets himself lean heavier against you as you rest your head on his, happy for the contact.

"Somebody's got to take care of you, too, Alex. You need to take care of you," Josh says with rising frustration at the wrongness of this entire tragedy and his feeling of helplessness to ease any of your pain. "Do you want me to go up with you? I'm sure Sam won't miss me for a day or two. You don't need to take apart Maggie's place all by yourself. You'll crumble -- I sure as hell would in that situation."

Alex shakes his head. "You'll be with Sam... Dean will be there..." He shivers again and then leans back against the wall, head bumping the wall softly. "You can... you can come in when I'm going to do that though. If you want." His voice dull again. "I'll have to invite Sam to the funeral......"

"Shhh," Josh replies quickly. "Don't get so far ahead of yourself, Alex. You're going to be completely burnt out before you get there. And, please, don't try to shoulder all the responsibility yourself." He stops and sighs. "Fuck, mate, I'm worried about you."

Alex just closes his eyes and bumps his head slightly against the wall again as you say that. "Don't worry...." The words instictual, because they're what he always says.

Josh snorts loudly. "Sure and you don't be upset about your sister." He shakes his head. "I have plenty of reason to be worried and you damn well know it."

Your tone causes him to open his eyes and look at you, really look at you, for the first time. His pupils narrowing and he nods, relaxing a bit. The connection he shares with you seems almost palpable when he sees the worry in your eyes. "Thank you, brother." His voice catches, and he shivers again.

Josh feels himself close to tears, as well, and pulls you into a tight embrace. "Fuck, Alex, don't thank me. You have no idea how much you've given me that I never had before. I just want to help. I can't stand to see you suffer like this. You're too good a person to have to deal with this."

Alex tenses at the hug initially, then exhales a long shuddering breath and sinks against you, nuzzling his head into your shoulder and stretching out his legs so he can turn into you. He doesn't put his arms around you, just sinks against your chest and closes his eyes against your shoulder, not saying anything.

"Don't take any more of this than you can handle," Josh says in a hushed tone, holding you tighter as he feels you let go a bit. "You're not alone, okay? You're never alone. I will always be your family -- no matter what. You couldn't beat me off with your broomstick." He releases a half-hearted, strangled laugh.

Alex snorts softly against your shoulder. "Oh, I could. It's a good broom...." Voice soft and not quite as dead as before. Still hollow sounding, but at least he responded to the joke.  He leans more into you, and justs lays against you, letting you hug him. Still mostly tense.

"What can I do, Alex? I'll do anything I can to make this easier on you in anyway," Josh says quietly, a slight tone of desperation in his voice. "I can't stand not being able to help you."

Alex turns his head into your shoulder, lips almost against your throat, and then he does move his arms, wrapping around your waist to hug you back. 'I don't know."

Josh shivers to feel your breath so hot on his neck, sensing your lips so close. Then he scolds himself for even thinking such things at such a terrible time, say nothing about Sam. He sighs a bit unsteadily. "Just tell me, mate, and I'll do it in a heartbeat. I could never begin to understand what you're experiencing right now, but when you're hurt, I hurt with you. I love you, mate. I want to be able to make this better for you."

Alex doesn't know what to say, so he hugs just hugs you and leans against your shoulder. He would tell you how to help if he knew himself.... but he doesn't. All he knows is that he feels empty, cold, and being close to you makes it a little easier to handle. "I don't know...." He repeats.

Josh sighs helplessly and wraps his arms around you even tighter, one hand rubbing your back, the other moving through your hair soothingly. Without really thinking about it, he presses a kiss to your forehead.

It's instinct, the kiss to his temple and the one he turns to press to the underside of your chin, soft. He hugs you back and drops his head against your shoulder again, eyes closed. Shoulders and back still tense, the hug probably tighter than necessary.

Josh feels he's hit a dead end -- not sure what to say or do anymore. He simply holds you, as you seem to be responding to it somewhat, and occasionally whispers, "I'm sorry, Alex."

Alex lets himself be held for a while, then tenses further and pushes back, his eyes dead and dark again. "I should pack."

Josh is rather taken aback at your abrupt movement away and looks almost injured by it. He wants so much to help and feels he's accomplishing nothing. Face falling, he nods, his own voice lacking a great deal of emotion. "Yes, you probably should. Best get that out of the way."

Alex blinks and stares at you for a moment, he knows his actions caused that injured look, but trying to muster the energy to make it better is hard. He closes his eyes again, leaning back against the wall again. "I'm sorry. I'm.... I even cursed at Dean this morning...."

"No, don't apologize, Alex," He says quietly. "You can't be expected to behave the way you think we'd like you to behave. In fact, you have every right to scream up and down the corridors and slug anyone who looks at you funny. I'm not trying to pressure you into anything. I just hate knowing there's really nothing I can do. Nothing at all."

He opens his eyes and looks at you, reaching over to slide a hand into the hair behind your ear, and he blinks at you again. "Just.... just love me, Josh.... And be safe...." The dead voice turning bitter at that last word.

 Josh nods slowly, saddened at the lifelessness he sees as he meets your eyes. "You know I do....will...."

Something flashes in his eyes for just a moment before it fades away and he pulls your head close to his again, pulling your forehead to his and locking his eyes with yours. "Swear that you'll keep yourself safe, Josh. Fucking.... I can't do this again."

Josh's eyes are intense and determined as you speak. "I promise, Alex. I won't leave you and I won't let anything happen to me -- or you -- ever. You won't go through this again. Not if I have anything to do with it. I promise."

Alex shudders again as you finish speaking, almost violently, and clenches his eyes closed, pulling your forehead to bump against his again, the hand in your hair clenched so tight it must be painful. It's a desperate grasp, and he's shivering again because letting himself focus that much has just made it all too real.

Josh can feel your desperation, tight and tense in your motions, and he returns it, grasping your shoulders and jerking you close, kissing you hard and urgently on the cheek, before letting his head rest against yours again.

Alex takes a few very long deep breaths, almost hyperventillating before he gets himself under control again. He sinks against you for a few more moments and then pushes away again. But his eyes are clearer than they had been, and the corners of his mouth try to tug up as he forces himself to stand. "Help me pack?" Looking down on you. He's still shivering slightly, as he was when you came in, but you can tell now it's from the tense muscles.

Josh smiles up at you slightly, looking almost dazed, and slowly rises to his feet. "Of course, mate." He slings his arm around your neck, walking with you out of the classroom.

[fin.]