Alex walked alongside Dean in silence, staring at his feet mostly except for when he looked up to study you. The night had been good, but he could feel something was out of place. As you came to the studio door he sighed, not knowing how to breach this gap he felt had grown so quickly.

Dean rests his hand on the door handle gently. "Did you have a nice birthday, love?" he looks up at you and smiles before carefully opening the door and stepping inside.

Alex follows you into the room, closing the door behind himself. "I did.. mostly." He looks down at his feet. "I. Um. I noticed you didn't seem to..."

Dean finishes his sentence quickly. "I was just...tired. Didn't mean to drag your party down."

Alex looks up, not smiling. "Okay."

Dean walks over to his work table; shrugging off his cloak, he lifts the water pitcher gently and pours some into the basin. He very carefully sinks his hands into the cool water, trying to give off the impression of just washing his hands.

Alex shrugs out of his robe and lays it beside the door. He stands with his back against the door and watches Dean's back. Then looks down again. "Dean.. If I.. If I did anything..." His voice is soft, troubled.

Dean whispers softly. "You haven't done anything, Alex." he gently rubs his fingers under the water, still not able to meet your gaze.

"Then..." His breath catches "then what's changed? I.. I know you're not just tired. If I was.. I mean if I did something, and you're afraid to tell me..."

"Alex...I...had a bit of a rough day." he continues to splash his hands in the water, unable to look in your eyes.

"Oh." He looks down again and then slumps further against the door. "Tell me about it?"

Dean lifts his hands out of the basin and begins to dry them gently. "I just...well, that is...I..." Dean breaks off, his voice cracking with emotion.

Alex hears your voice breaks and steps up straight, realising this was not just a bad day. He fights the urge to go to you and wrap you in his arms, remembering how you flinched away earlier. "Dean?" His voice is raw, with trying to sound level.

"Yes..." he looks at you questioningly, his eyes bright with tears. He wraps the towel gingerly around one hand.

Alex takes a deep breath and looks back down, trying to calm down and then saddening at a thought. "It's... it's okay. If you don't... if you don't trust me enough to talk to me."

"I trust you, Alex...more than anyone. I just...I don't know what to say." he walks to the sofa slowly and takes a seat at one end.

Alex starts to walk to the sofa and then stops, looking at you. "Is it... Is it okay if I sit?"

He gestures to the space next to him. "Sit...please."

Alex sits down in the place beside you, trying carefully not to touch you and forcing his hands into his own laps, staring down at them. "You know... You should know that you can tell me anything. I want you to trust me."

Deans eyes well up with tears and his hands begin to shake slightly. "I do trust you...so very much. But the words just won't come."

Alex notices your hands shaking and then looks up into your eyes. Your tears undo him.  "Cor, Dean. Baby. Please let me help. " He realizes after he's said it the endearment he's used, but doesn't care... it.. it fits.

One tear trickles slowly down his cheek. He raises his eyes to yours momentarily before throwing himself at you and burying his face in your chest.

Alex tenses, wondering if it is alright to touch you, and then carefully puts one arm around your shoulders and pets your hair gently with the other. "It'll be okay."

Dean sobs quietly against you, all wariness gone. He wraps his arms around you tightly, almost crawling into your lap.

Alex pulls him in securely, rubbing his hand softly on your back and running his fingers thru your hair lightly. Allowing you to cling to him, shifting so that you have more room to wrap around him. He makes what he hopes are soothing sounds, but to his ears they seem clumsy.

Dean sniffles slightly and turns his face so that his cheek is pressing against your chest. "I'm s-sorry Alex...I didn't mean to flake out like that."

Alex lets out a breath and continues to massage lightly at your back and temple. "Dean. You don't ever have to apologize to me. But... I want to be here for you." He leans his head against your head and holds you, kissing the top of your head lightly.

Dean sighs and rubs at his eyes, the salty tears burn his tender fingers and he winces again. "I...I don'y know where to start."

Alex pets you still, lightly, murmuring. "Start wherever you can, baby." Comfortable with that endearment, letting himself realize that it seems right somehow. "I'll listen."

Dean nuzzles against you again. "This morning...early...I owled P-Pucey to come up here and pick up the sculpture..." he trails off, his whole body beginning to tremble.

Alex immediately tenses and then forces himself to relax, forces his fingers to continue massaging instead of clenching. He kisses your forehead again, waiting for you to be able to continue. Being torn apart at your trembling.

"He...I...well, we fought...it was bad, Alex." he looks down at one of his shaking hands and pulls it closer to him.

"You.. you fought?" Alex's hands are trembling slightly, barely noticably, still gentling in your hair and on your back. "Did he... did he hurt you?"

Dean tenses against you slightly and begins to shake again. "You...could say that...I guess." he whispers, drawing himself completely onto your lap.

Alex moves the arm around your shoulders to support your waist, rocking you slightly like a child. He notices that you're shaking again and feels tears stinging behind his own eyes. Merlin but his pain kills me. "Dean. Baby. It'll be okay. Let me help..."

Dean buries his face into your neck, the tears cascading down his face again "Oh, Alex...I didn't want to...I told him I didn't want to. Please don't be mad at me."

And Alex knows that his heart has never been wrenched like this, because he realizes what you're talking about and the the twin desires to rip Pucey apart with his bare hands, and to cuddle you until the memory fades from your heart, both hit him at the same time. Christ, it wasn't this bad when it was Ernie. Fuck. And the tears sting at his eyes again and he blinks them away. "Oh Christ. Dean. Oh Baby. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry."

Dean struggles to sit up, his face wet with tears. " Please don't hate me, I couldn't bear it."

Alex pulls back slightly and looks into your eyes. Running his fingers to your cheek to make you face him. "Hate you? Why... Why would I hate you?"

"Because...I-I couldn't stop him. He...he snuck up behind me...he made me..." he breaks off, the tears coming back again. "I tried, Alex

"Oh baby..." He presses a soft kiss to your forehead again. "I understand. I - I would never blame you for something like that. You can't blame yourself. He's stronger than you... he forced you. It wasn't your fault." He pulls back and looks into your eyes again. "And I could never hate you. Never."

"He's not stronger than me though...I could have fought him off, should have tried harder" he sobs silently, tears still trickling down his cheeks.

"Oh baby, don't. It's not your fault. It's not." He tightens the arm at your back and rocks you closer, murmuring over an over. "it's not."

Dean throws his arms around you again, his sobs subsiding slightly. "I'm sorry I ruined your birthday, love. I didn't want to...I tried."

Alex pulls you closer, running his hand over your back softly. "Oh, no, don't think that. Its... that you trust me... that's the best gift. I... I care about you so much." He presses another kiss to your forehead, feather light, all his touches gentle.

"I care about you too, Alex. More than you know." he sighs and leans against you again, carefully setting his injured hands on his lap.

Alex sighs and leans against your head, gently rubbing your back still. Then he looks down at your hands, the earlier wincing connecting now.  "Are you? Did something happen to your hands?"

"They...I...scraped them against the wall. Pretty badly I think." he frowns and turns his hands over, facing the raw palms upward.

Alex sucks in breath thru clenched teeth and pulls you as close to him as he can, cradling your head and pulling it into his shoulder, rocking you like a child and shaking slightly. The tears are back behind his eyes and he clenches them shut against your head.

Dean closes his eyes and relaxes against you, feeling at rest for the first time all day. Amazingly enough, your embrace is calming and comfortable, where earlier he'd been scared of the simplest touch.

Alex cradles your head closer into your neck and continues to rock you. He starts murmuring to you, non-sensical phrases meant just to soothe you, and not to make sense, the word "love" in there somewhere, but not in any sensical way, as he rubs his hand thru your hair, and he's stilling, shaking less, letting himself breathe.

"Alex...would you...would you stay here with me tonight. I couldn't face my dorm mates, and I don't want to be alone, in case..." he trails off and looks toward the door.

"Of course. Of course I will, baby." He continues to sooth you, and kisses your forehead, letting his lips linger against your skin.

Dean sits back and looks at you, a very small smile on his lips. "I umm...thank you." he leans in and kisses you lightly on the lips. Slowly, he sinks back down against you and snuggles into your embrace.

Alex smiles softly, and leans into your kiss lightly, but not pushing. And cuddles you against him again. "Thank you." He murmurs against your hair, voice soft. 

Dean sighs and shifts against you, trying not to doze off on your lap.

Alex sighed against your head again and ran his fingers thru your hair, pressing lightly so that you looked up at him. He looks into your eyes for a moment. "Thank you for trusting me. I..." His eyes darken "I know how hard that is." Then he presses another soft kiss to your lips and pulls you close again.

Dean kisses you back gently. "I really appreciate you listening to me, Alex. It means the world."

Alex runs his hand thru your hair, pressing a kiss just below your ear, and then lets his eyes run over you. "Can I, can I do something about your hands?"

"Please...if you don't mind. I couldn't seem to...recall any charms today." he smiles at you and lays his head on your shoulder.

Alex smiles and holds you close. "You'll... um... You'll have to hand me my wand."

Dean turns slightly on your lap, reaching for your cloak. Very carefully, he reaches into the pocket and pulls out your wand and hands it to you.

Alex runs a hand lightly down your arm and steadies them, pointing his wand and whispering softly. "Guarire." The redness begins to fade and he smiles, sadly. "Is there... I mean.. Are you hurt anywhere else. Bruised or....I know it hurts"

Dean blushes deeply. "Umm...yes...but I'd rather you not look at that part....just yet."

Alex swallowed and then pulled you in again for a featherlight kiss. "Dean I am so sorry this happened to you. So... you're so perfect and ...." his fingers run thru your hair again and he drops his wand onto his robes.

Dean laughs bitterly. "Not so 'perfect' anymore, I think. And not that I was to begin with." Dean kisses your cheek lightly and rests his forehead against yours.

Alex shakes his head and murmurs. '"Don't you dare think this makes you... makes you any less. You're still perfect to me. You're not... not marred. I still lo.. care so much about you."

"I...care about you too, so much." Dean smiles and leans down, kissing your lips with more feeling than before.

Alex rocked you still gently, but leaned into your kiss, letting you take the kiss as far as you wanted and not pushing any further. Running his fingertips in circles on your back and thru your hair.

Dean breaks away from the kiss reluctantly, "I...need you, Alex. I...I can't even imagine not having you in my life." he sniffles and wipes at his cheek gently. he nuzzles against you again and wraps his arms around you.

Alex wraps his arms around you and shifts, so that he is lying on his back and you are cradled against his chest still, lying down. "I know baby. I know. I need you too." He pulls you closer and pulls the blanket off the edge of the couch, tucking it around you.

Dean sighs and lets himself sink into your embrace. "Alex, I lo...erm...I should lay next to you or you'll get squashed."

Alex shakes his head and cradles you closer. "If you're comfortable this is fine. I'm sturdy. It's not... It doesn't hurt does it?"

"No...I'd rather lie on my stomach anyway...hurts less. Maybe tomorrow I'll be okay and we can heal it a bit." he smiles and nuzzles comfortably into your chest.

Alex nods and stifles a yawn, snuggling you close to his chest and smiling weakly. "Goodnight, love." running his fingers down your spine lightly.

Dean smiles against your chest. "'Night, hun...thank you for staying with me."

"Anytime, baby, anytime." A sleepy mumble against your hair.

Dean lets himself drift to sleep against you, his breath becoming slow and even.

[fin.]