Alex is sitting at the desk in his room, writing yet another owl and attaching a gift to it. His back is to the door. He's been pretty much the same the last few days as he was the night you arrived. By now you've been introduced to his parents and they've welcomed you as warmly as they could muster at the moment and told you that of course it's okay if you stay there.

Dean leans against the door frame, watching you in contemplation. He sighs silently and moves behind you, resting his hands on the side of your chair. "Need any help, love?"

Alex finishes tying the package to Gawain's leg and looks up. "No, that one was Justin's... last one I'm sending." A weak, somewhat weary smile tugs at the corners of his mouth for just a moment. "Have a nice chat with my mum?"

"I did. She's really wonderful, you know." Dean tries to smile, rubbing your shoulders gently. "I love you." he whispers softly, leaning down to kiss your cheek very lightly. "Do you want to just stay up in here again tonight? We can just lay here and talk...or I can give you one of my world famous back rubs that you love."

"I know..." He nods and turns to catch your lips lightly as you kiss his cheek, letting you pull away. "What would you like to do, love? It doesn't really matter to me...."

"Well, how about we both decide. I have your christmas presents too..."  he continues to roll his hands against the tense muscles of your shoulders gently. "I'll do whatever you like, babe."

Alex chuckles at that. "If you'll do whatever I like, we're not both deciding." He smiles then, wider than it has been, if still weary and edged with sadness, and stands - wrapping his arms around your waist and pulling you close. "Happy Christmas, love...." He shrugs. "Even if it's not very happy..."

 "As long as we're together, it'll be alright, I promise." he whispers, pulling you closer yet and resting his forehead against yours. "And if I have to be the decision maker here, I decide on a little you -and-me time." he drags you over to the bed gently, pulling you down to sit beside him.

Alex chuckles softly again, letting himself be dragged and sitting down on the bed, keeping one arm around your waist and raising the other to stroke thru your hair, leaning to press his lips against yours softly. "That sounds excellent."

"And I think..." Dean pipes up with a smile. "...we can have some 'us time' with one of your Christmas presents." he leans over the edge of your bed, pulling out a large, heavy package wrapped in red shiny paper. "This...is for you...it took quite a bit of work to get it all together at the appropriate...time."

Alex considers the package for a moment and then takes it from you, squeezing your hand slightly and then laying it on his lap and beginning to unwrap it. "Something to help with us time..." He smiles softly as he's undoing the edges.

 [Inside the box is a dark willow basket lined in red satin. When opened, you will see various delicacies: Foie Gras, black Perigord truffles, pate` de campagne, smoked salmon, caspian Sevruga caviar, sacher torte, strawberries, cream.Underneath all this is hidden another small package containing a simple black leatherbound book. The attached note reads: "Love, Everything I see reminds me of you. It made choosing a gift difficult. This is the journal I was keeping when we first met, up until about three weeks ago. Most everything in it is memories of us. Call it a pensive of sorts. My heart belongs to you, and now so do my thoughts. Yours Always, Dean

Alex blinks as he digs thru the basket, drawing out the journal and reading the note, then opening the journal to a random day and reading - the entry from the day after he spent his first night with you in your art room. He begins shivering slightly and closes the books, his eyes redlined as he turns back to catch yours. "Gods, baby, this is fantastic.... I... I wish I had something as good for you..." He shrugs and bites at his lip. "This is wonderful."

"I'm just glad you like it." Dean smiles softly, reaching over to cup your cheek in his hand. "I really wasn't sure if you would or not. Seamus was suprised that I'd chosen my journal...but I have nothing to hide from you." he blushes slightly, his thumb caressing your cheek as he talks.

Alex shivers and closes his eyes for a moment. "I love it." He takes a deep breath and then opens his eyes again, leaning over and kissing you, letting the kiss say what he can't bring himself to say right now. That he's sorry, that he wants to make things right again....

Dean presses his lips back to yours softly, letting the kiss continue to convey all the emotions that he's trapped inside for days: anger, shame, fear and sadness, but an overwhelming feeling of perfect love. His fingers move through your hair gently, brushing a few stray locks aside. "I love you more than you'll ever know." he breathes softly against your hips as he pulls away from you reluctantly.

Alex sighs against your lips, dropping his forehead against yours and stroking your hair softly, absently. "And I ... Gods, Dean, you save me." He shivers again, then opens his eyes and locks them with yours for a long moment before he sits the basket down on the ground and lays back, pulling you down to face away from him and wrapping tightly around you, dropping his head to your shoulder and snuggling against your back. "I'll just... I'll just tell you what I had planned for Christmas I guess..." pressing a kiss to the back of your neck softly.

"Love, you don't have to tell me if it's too much right now. We can wait." he lifts one of your hands up to his lips, kissing each fingertip reverently. "I just want to be near you tonight. It doesn't matter what we do...just touching you is enough."

"No...no... I want to tell you. " He caresses your cheek for a moment and then slides his hand to your side and under your shirt, sliding up to rest over your heart and pull you closer into his chest. "My parents and I were talking about me getting my own flat, for the summer and for hols...and I was thinking that you could choose it and it would...well... be ours...." He breaks off, biting his lip and tensing slightly more, for the first time it occurs to him that that may be too much, that it may be crossing some line.

Dean's breath catches in his throat as you explain the flat. "Do you...I mean, would you really want to do something like that...with me?" he whispers incredulously.

"Of course I would." He answers immediately, pulling you back closer against his chest, tightening his arm around you. "I've been planning it..." He chuckles. "You know how much I love you...But it's all... I mean, since I have Maggie's flat now..." He shivers again slightly.

Dean sighs, mentally kicking himself again. "I'm sorry, love. It was a lovely idea, though." he covers your hand with his own, snuggling back against you.

Alex sighs too and drops a kiss to your shoulder, against your shirt. "We... Maggie's place... we could make it ours. If you ... if you wanted to." Voice still tentative, as if he's afraid of rejection, afraid he's crossed the line with this.

Dean squirms slightly, rolling over to look into your eyes seriously. "Love, if you're okay with it, I am." he tilts your chin up to meet his gaze. "I love you. The thought of waking up next to you every morning is complete bliss."

Alex smiles softly at that, meeting your eyes  - his own happier than they've been, but still with that edge of pain that is in everything about him now... his eyes, his voice, his tense stance... "I can't imagine ever being away from you, really...I...having you...living with you would be the most amazing thing."

"I think so too, hun." he pulls you into a tight embrace. "It's the best gift I've ever gotten...I don't even know how to show you how very happy you've made me." his fingers track over the taut muscles of your back lightly. "I'd be honored to live with you."

Alex nods "And I'd be honoured to have you...I can't imagine what I would do if you hadn't wanted to...." and then leans to cover your mouth with his, the kiss gentle but deep - lovingly exploring your mouth with his tongue.

Dean sighs into the kiss, melting against you completely; his tongue gently sliding against yours as he deepens the kiss further. The hand moving over your back, sliding just unter the edge of your shirt, carressing your soft skin.

Alex pulls away, remembering the other night and the way he made you feel - the look in your eyes as you got up to go to the window. He sighs and leans his forehead against yours, his hand sliding against the skin of your back. "How are you... how are you feeling?"

"I'm feeling...like I'm in love with the most amazing bloke in the world." he smiles, pulling you back against him. "Really, love. I'm okay...I just want to love you."

Alex twines his legs with yours, kissing your forehead and then pulling you close against him. "I can't believe you really want to live with me." Smiling softly again, voice soft and full of emotion.

"Why can't you believe it, baby? I love you..." he smiles again. "I'd do absolutely anything for you, love. Especially if it meant us being together more."

"I know...I know you do. But I'm not the easiest person to live with. Count that as your warning I guess..." He chuckles softly, eyes locked with yours, and slides his hand under your shirt to stroke at your back again. His voice and eyes are still laced with that hard edge, but this is the most relaxed he's looked in a week, at least.

"Not easy to live with?" Dean chuckles softly. "I suppose I should ask what that means before I reveal my own...quirks." he ruffles your hair gently, placing a soft, chaste kiss to your cheek. "I'll love you no matter that...even if we resort to strangling each other." he teases.

"Well, I actually don't know what it means. I've just been told that... I mean, I live with myself pretty easily." He chuckles again and pulls you closer to him slightly, voice getting more serious. "You make me very happy, Dean... I can't... I can't really express that right now..."

"Well, that makes two of us then. I just kind of go with it." Dean smiles again, rubbing the small of your back gently. "As long as you can put up with me leaving my crap lying around. I do pick it up eventually..." he lifts your chin up with one finger so that you meet his gaze again. "I love you babe...you make me happy as well. And I'm a patient person, I know you can't express how you feel at the moment, but I'll be here to help you until you can."

Alex just nods and drops his head against your shoulder, pressing a kiss there and shivering again. He idly wonders why he's wearing his emotions so close to the surface now, and what's making him shudder like that, but he knows the answer and doesn't want to find it so he pushes the thoughts away and just holds you, twining his legs with yours.

Dean smiles sweetly against your cheek, lifting his hand slowly to lace in your hair. "I just want you to know, angel, that I'm going to be here for you through everything. I don't want you to be afraid to tell me or ask me anything." he kisses your cheek again gently as he talks. "I love you."

Alex slides his own hand to cup your neck and nods against your shoulder. "I know." But he doesn't say anymore, or give any indication that he will. Instead he begins dropping more tiny kisses to your neck and jawline, pressing closer to your chest and hips.

Dean sighs softly, but smiles just the same, wrapping his arms around you protectively. "If you want to talk, baby, I'm here. It's okay." he whispers against your ear, hoping to draw something...anything, out of you.

"I know." Murmured again, but this time is voice is low and husky and he nips at your ear after he's said it, pressing closer to you. "Don't want to talk...." Nipping at the lobe again and his voice sounds mischevious and promising, if hardened.

"Alex, I think you need to talk." Dean finally voices, his tone resolute. "You can't keep doing this...losing yourself in sex, it can't be healthy." he sighs softly and looks into your eyes again. "I want you, baby. Lord only knows how much I want this..." his fingers drop from your hair to your cheek, cupping it gently. "...but this is just going to hurt you ultimately, love. You need to talk."

Alex blinks, the smiles - a tight, hard smile - but he stops pressing against you and drops his hand to rest at your hip. "There's really nothing I want to talk about, love. There's nothing to say." Words harder than he means them to be.

"There's plenty to say, love." he whispers reassuringly. "I know you're bottling it all up inside, but it's okay to let it all go. I just want to help." his fingers carress your cheeks lightly, tracing down your nose and over your lips. "I want to comfort you, hun...but you're never going to have that comfort until you let it out..."

Alex's expression doesn't change, and at that moment his father calls something unintelligible up the stairs. He leans over to kiss your cheek, quick and chaste, and then pushes himself from the bed. "I'd better go and see what he wants."

[And Alex runs away from talking, yet again.]