thecoolprof: *Bill's sitting at his desk, surrounded by stacks papers and books. He's scribbling down mystical equations . . . which aren't turning out quite the way he'd hoped. Frustrated, he crumples up the parchment he was working on, takes out another piece, and starts over*

j alex stebbins: *Alex fidgets on the other side of the door for a few long moments, rubbing his temples, oblivious to the now second nature tension in his muscles, then knocks*

thecoolprof: *without looking up* It's open.

j alex stebbins: *opens the door and quietly steps inside* Professor... *voice dull*

thecoolprof: *at the sound of the voice, Bill looks up.* Oh, Alex, hello. Come in. *He stands up, closing the door behind Alex* Would you like some tea?

j alex stebbins: *closes the door behind himself and steps further into the room, shaking his head slightly* No, thanks.

thecoolprof: *shrugs, then searches through a pile of papers until he finds what he's looking for* To get straight to the point, I wanted to talk to you about the pop quiz today.

j alex stebbins: *fidgets and drops his satchel to the floor at his feet, looking up at you expressionlessly* I didn't do well.

thecoolprof: *shakes his head* No. Not at all. First I thought maybe I'd made it too hard. *skims through the quiz* Except the questions were like "In one complete sentence, define the word 'rune.'" And you just wrote "a powerful symbol."

j alex stebbins: *something that might be a small bitter grin tugs at the sides of his lips and he shrugs tightly* Well, that's true...

thecoolprof: Alex . . . *Bill sighs, replacing the quiz on the pile from which he found it* You know what I meant. *stands across from him* Do you . . . would you like help with my class? A tutor or something?

j alex stebbins: No...*Alex shifts from foot to foot and frowns, reaching to rub at his temples again* I don't need a tutor. I'll be fine.

thecoolprof: Are you sure? *looks concerned* I've noticed a decline in your grades recently. Understandable, given the circumstances, but if class is becoming too much, I'd suggest finding outside help.

j alex stebbins: *shakes his head* It's not too much it's just... *sighs and looks up to meet your eyes, shrugging* I'll try harder, don't worry about it. *voice weary*

thecoolprof: "It's just" what? Alex, if you need to talk to someone . . . *Bill sits down, and invites Alex to do so also* I know I'm your professor, but I can listen, too.

j alex stebbins: *sits opposite of him, straight backed and tense, a hand going automatically his own stomach* There's nothing really to talk about *he says automatically*

thecoolprof: *Bill gives Alex a flat look* Is that so? Obviously there is, otherwise you wouldn't look so defensive.

j alex stebbins: *meets Bill's eyes, his expression still flat and dull* No, really... I'm fine. Or I will be. *still an auotmatic reply*

thecoolprof: "Will be" being the keywords. *leans forward and steeples his hands* Listen, I know that recent events have been unimaginably difficult for you, but I can tell you're not helping yourself by simply acting like an automaton.

j alex stebbins: *at that his eyes flash* I'm not acting like a fuck...*he takes a breath* I'm not acting like a automaton. *spoken quickly, face reddening slightly*

thecoolprof: *Bill realises this is the angle he has to follow, so he pushes on* But you are. I experienced a similar loss when I was about your age. So trust me when I say that you're obviously not handling this properly.

j alex stebbins: *Alex takes another breath, clenching his hand in his shirt at his stomach, face getting slightly redder* I'm handling this just fine. *his voice lowering*

thecoolprof: Oh, really? *looks at Alex straight in the eyes* Have you cried yet? And I don't simply mean a few tears. I mean total loss of control, sobbing like a baby on Dean's shoulder.

j alex stebbins: No... *he draws the work out and lowers his voice again, edging back in the seat as the conversation moves into dangerous territory* Why would I do that?

thecoolprof: Because this was your sister! Your best friend, and she was murdered! *Bill's actually quite surprised Alex hasn't cried, but uses this information to his advantage. He doesn't want to push too hard, though* Doesn't it hurt? Don't you just want to completely lose it and mourn?

j alex stebbins: *at the moment your tone changes Alex stands up, stiff and tense again, and shakes his head quickly* No. I don't want to lose it. *As if the thought was ludicrous* What the fuck good would that do? *stepping back from you to put some distance there*

thecoolprof: *stands up, too, but doesn't move, his arms at his side. quietly, he says: * It'll allow you to f.

j alex stebbins: I shouldn't have been... you were trying to help and I .. and everyone's only been trying to help... *he leans further into your side and presses his hands to his eyes again*

thecoolprof: *smiles* So you were an idiot. Even the best of us act that way occasionally.

j alex stebbins: *sniffles and wipes at his eyes, shivering, but doesn't say anything*

thecoolprof: Are you okay now, though? *pauses* Stupid question. Are you better?

j alex stebbins: *he snorts softly and hiccups, removing his hands and you can see the tears on his cheeks* Well, people can stop bloody waiting for me to cry... *voice soft*

thecoolprof: Was it that bad?

j alex stebbins: Was what? *he wipes at his cheeks again*

thecoolprof: Crying.

j alex stebbins: *he snorts softly* I hate crying.

j alex stebbins: I hate being weak.

thecoolprof: Alex, it doesn't mean you're weak. That's a silly misconception. When Lily died and I finally cried, I . . . *stops himself. it's not an avenue he really wants to go down*

j alex stebbins: If I get better who remembers? She was... *shivers and a fresh wave of tears hits him* ... fucking murdered and I can't do anything but shake and cry.

thecoolprof: Those pricks who killed her won't get away with it. They will be found and punished. That doesn't mean you have to be constantly strong, though. It's quite straining, really.

j alex stebbins: *nods slightly and wipes his eyes again, quiet - weary and drained*

thecoolprof: *conjures a handkerchief and hands it to Alex* It's the hardest thing in the world, losing someone you love. But the pain goes away eventually. You loved your sister, and she'll always be with you.

j alex stebbins: *takes the handkerchief and rubs at his eyes* I know. I know that... *he sinks wearily into the couch and closes his eyes - not even able to voice the questions that he knows there are no answer to*

thecoolprof: You know, if you ever need anything, need to talk or whatever, my doors are open. *smiles encouragingly*

j alex stebbins: *Alex sniffles again and nods, standing up slowly* Thanks. I... I really should go find Dean, but.... I may come back tomorrow or something... *suddenly looking uncomfortable, but smiling weakly*

thecoolprof: Take your time. *stands up, too, ruffling Alex's hair*

j alex stebbins: *Alex nods and moves toward the door* Thanks, pro... Number One...

thecoolprof: *chuckles* And don't forget your bag this time. *magicks it over to Alex*

j alex stebbins: *snorts back a small laugh and takes the bag, turning and leaving*

[Fin.]